Just Start: On doing things for the 'last' time
You're doing it more than you think.
"A man cannot step into the same river twice,” is one of those sayings that seems trivially obvious when you first hear it, slightly more meaningful when you think about it, and then like it might actually be the key to something really important when you actually wander around and ponder it for a while. In my experience, anyway.
A year or so ago I wrote this column for the Guardian, on how being with my dad during his last months of life changed the way I think about all the ‘last’ moments that whip by without us even noticing them. Since then, I’ve been thinking about it more and more, especially when it comes to hanging out with my eight-year-old. He was six when I wrote the piece above, and he changes all the time: he’s taller, more coordinated, and more confident about talking to people, mostly still delighted when I’m silly, but more able to articulate why he likes or finds it annoying. Still, though, there are things I know he won’t do again, and things we won’t do again: when we were on holiday earlier in the year we made friends with a Shetland pony, and the way he talked to it simply won’t survive another year, even if we go back to exactly the same place. He’s a not-so-tiny reminder that things move relentlessly on, and the best thing you can do is often to sit and appreciate them while you can.
So why am saying all this?
Well, partly, I think it’s a helpful way to have a better quality of life. Recently I’ve been reading a collection of talks by Japanese Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki (Penguin very kindly sent me an advance copy), and he speaks a lot about the value of appreciating things as they are: whether you’re in an untouched forest or a hot car, sitting with quiet attention and taking the experience for what it is. That’s an attitude I’m trying to develop myself: not desperately trying to make moments perfect or memorable (which is a trap I’ve fallen into before), but enjoying them as they come and go. I don’t manage it all the time, and I sometimes still can’t face the washing up without a podcast, but it’s an ongoing process.
It’s also a way to appreciate people. This week, I went to an anniversary party for the first place I ever worked, and had a chat to people I haven’t seen for twenty years about the stuff they’ve been doing since. The guy who gave me my first ever bits of paid writing work was there: we didn’t speak for very long, but I know I might not see him again ever, so I said a quick thanks to him for changing the course of my life. Two days on, I still feel pretty good about it.
Another thing I’ve found useful about last-time thinking, though, is that it’s a better way to make sure I’m happy with the stuff I make and put out into the world. Sure, no door is ever truly closed and you always have options while you’re free and breathing — but also, if I’m writing a thing or making a video, remembering that it’s the only time I’ll talk about this subject in this place in this specific way helps me put a little bit more of myself into it. There are often other chances, but also: sometimes there aren’t? And the river, whatever you do, keeps on flowing.
Have a great weekend!
Joel x
Stuff I like
📖 Book - Death’s End by Cixin Liu
The third part of the Three Body Problem trilogy is probably the least coherent — and has pretty big stretches devoted to explaining theoretical future tech that I barely understand and definitely don’t care about — but it’s still worth reading because occasionally a minor character gets introduced just to spit out an insight that could change something fundamental about your whole worldview. This is 720+ pages long and I read it in about a week, if you want an endorsement.
📝 Short story - The Frame-By-Frame by qntm
At the other end of the spectrum from 3BP, qntm writes dozens of micro-stories about the weird implications of near-future tech — some thoughtful, some funny, some implicitly horrifying. I smashed through a whole collection of them in a single evening this week, and this one was my fave (the link is to a first-draft you can read online for free).
📝 Short story - The Bottle Imp by Robert Louis Stevenson
Yes, I’m reading a lot of short stories at the moment. This one has interesting game theory/logician overtones, and apparently there’s a cardcgame based on it. No spoilers, except to say I could see a modern take working as an A24 film.
🎶 Hype Music - fragment (slowed) by slxughter
A friend of mine who I bonded with over strongman competitions recommended this one, and it goes as hard as that sounds — crank it up when you’ve got burpees to do.
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